Bad Reputation

Why do we always put so much credence into what people think of us? I understand for work purposes you have to put on a show but in your personal life you should be able to be you. The true you. For the past 20 years I have been living a lie. I have become someone I am not. I was afraid to have to much fun and to voice things because I was so afraid of people judging me. What was so different now than back then? Well for one thing I was young and naive. But the main change was what I did to my best friend. My little inner devil.

20 years ago I put my little devil in a box deep inside of me and told her to be quiet as it was time for her to sleep. I loved my little devil. We always had so much fun together. Going out and causing trouble at all hours. Leaving men and women wanting more. We always kept people guessing on what crazy thing I would do next. I was heart broken as I said goodbye to her but I knew it was for the best. I was entering into a serious relationship and there was no place for her I thought. For 20 years she lived in a dark recess of my soul and stayed somewhat quiet. Every once in awhile she would stick her head out and give a shout but I would quickly shoo her back into her box and close the lid. That box slipped deeper and deeper into me. I thought she was gone forever. Boy was I wrong!

Over the past few weeks there has been something scratching inside of me. Something desperately trying to climb back into the light. Since my husband left me I have been unsettled and feeling like I do not fit in anywhere. Wondering who I was and what happened to me. Then I started to hear this persistent scratching in my soul. I could feel something trying to come up from deep within me. I was scared. What was this noise I was hearing? What was happening to me? Then a door popped open and a two little horns emerged. Slowly my little devil started to climb out of her box, blinking into the light. As soon as I saw her I started to cry. She just stood there looking at me smiling saying everything would be okay now that she is here. I took her in my arms and we embraced. As I held her I knew I was going to be all right. She was here to help me. To help me fight. To help me be fun again. To love me unconditionally.  She was here to help me find my voice again. To whisper into my ear that she loves me no
matter what I do so never be ashamed. My little devil has come back to me. Everyone should be a little nervous.....