I know everyone is probably sick of hearing about my issues but I don't really care.
Looking back over the past year Me and my family have gone through so many changes. Some great some not so great. These were not small changes like switching the brand of toilet paper you wipe your ass with. No these were life altering changes. Lets do a recap:
1) My two beloved cats, Kitty and Boo pass over the rainbow bridge within a month of each other.
2) My parents up and move half way across the country (this can be
considered a "not so bad" thing. Just kidding Mom. I know you creep on
my Blog.) taking my little sister with them and leaving me my rotten
evil brother (I don't know how this is fair).
3) Next up rounding out the year my husband up and leaves me after being a
couple for almost 20 years. He needed to "find himself" (Oh he waited
until our 8 year wedding anniversary dinner to spring this gem on me.).
Well fuck off douche bag I am better without (I am in another angry
phase of my separation).
4) A dear family friend lost his battle with cancer. This one has been a hard one and I am still trying to process it. He was my Dad's bestfriend. I grew up with Rick. He was like an Uncle to me and my siblings. Him and his wife Deb coming over on holidays and summer BBQ's. I hadn't seen Rick a lot over the past few years. But I did get to spend a few Weekends with him at the end. I got to say goodbye. I will forever be grateful to his wife for letting me come visit with him during this time.
5) The newest layer to be striped is another hard one. It is the sudden passing of Brandy, my Dad's one true love. He loved this dog more than he loves his wife or kids for that matter (He at least never forgot the dog's name).
This is a lot of loss to handle in the span of 1 year. 12 months. Each month peeling a layer of me away. Each month trying to strip me down to my bare soul. I am so raw with emotion that it has been very hard for me to cope like an adult through all of this. I have my melt downs. I have my fits of rage. I have my idiot phases were I have to prove that I am a big girl now so I put myself in stupidly high risk and dangerous situations. I feel that I have been completely peeled down to my finally layer. My core. Brina. Brina is my inner child. She is scared. She has never been this close to the surface. She has always stay tucked down inside, protected from the harsh outside world. But this year I couldn't protect her. It was to tough and I was beat down so her she is. She is all that is left.
But now that she has been brought to the surface she can heal. She can open her eyes and not be scared anymore. She can see the world in a beautiful new light. A fresh start. She can heal her old wounds and start her new journey. A new adventure filled with happiness and love. It will not be easy but I think she is up for the challenge. Time to rebuild. Time to see what kind of woman Brina is. I am so excited for my new journey I think I am finally ready to start it. I am strong. I am capable. I am Brina.
